I've made a hugely important discovery about the Biblical Book of Esther, and though I'm not an archaeologist, I believe I'm using the approved method of "wild extrapolation in the face of missing evidence," so no snide comments about my lack of academic credentials.

(By the way, I know this methodology is allowable because I've heard that Moses wasn't really hidden in a basket in the Nile. They know this because there is a story about a Assyrian king - or Babylonian, or whatever, I forget - who was hidden in a river as a baby. See. Proof positive.)

Anyway, using this methodology, I've discovered that the Book of Esther has Japanese origins. That's right. I'll even cite chapter and verse.

Ahem.

Esther 2:5 - "Now there was in the citadel of Susa a Jew of the tribe of Benjamin, named Mordecai son of Jair, the son of Shimei, the son of Kish..."

Notice the word "Shimei." Careful linguistic analysis shows a striking resemblance to the Japanese word "Shumai," which is a common pork dish served at all fine Japanese restaurants. (I recommend it. It's better than the tempura).

Compelling though this is, I'd like to advance further evidence.

Esther 3:7 - "In the twelfth year of King Xerxes, in the first month, the month of Nisan, they cast the pur (that is, the lot)..."

I think I see the light dawning on your faces. Yes! You see the connection, even if you've never had sashimi! The word "Nisan" and the automobile maker "Nissan" is simply too close to be attributed to anything but a common origin.

For one of these items, it could perhaps be argued that coincidence was involved, but when two compelling facts such as these come together in the same book of the Bible, I think the evidence is overwhelming.

No! Not that I'm crazy.

© Copyright 2000 Brad Haugaard.